Ever Felt too Fat to go to a Party?
Do you ever remember not wanting to go to a party because you felt too fat, your clothes were too tight, or you didn’t feel attractive enough? Is this the ultimate self-sabotage?
I was recently sorting through some old photographs and these feelings came flooding back to me, triggered by a particular photo that captured that moment in time.
Many years ago I was invited to a formal event at my husband’s company. We were young; he was the junior-junior in a company of much older people. I was so stressed about what to wear, how I looked, and I was extremely concerned that I wasn’t thin enough. In fact, I was so concerned that I didn’t want to go, even attempting to get out of it with silly excuses. In the end, I went to the party and put on a good face, but felt uncomfortable and fat for most of the evening.
I look back on that picture now and wonder what on earth was my problem! OK, I wasn’t rail thin, but I looked pretty good. Compared to other women at the party with huge shoulder pads and ultra curled hair from the late 80s, I look downright timeless and fairly stylish. Certainly good enough.
A Lot of time and energy wasted!
Sadly, it makes me think about how much energy and time we waste feeling “less than” or worrying if we are “measuring up.” And that’s the key: “measuring up!” Unfortunately, in our culture, “Am I good enough?” often means, “Am I thin enough?”
Many of us who self-sabotage around food and eating (or who are caught in emotional eating) are locked into the false beliefs that we aren’t good enough. Somehow, because we aren’t a particular number on the scale or a size on the dress rack, or the shape of a woman sitting next to us, we are “less than.” We recycle and reuse these negative feelings in any number of ways over and over again in our daily life and especially during times of stress.
The Pathology of Self-Sabotage
When we are feeling this way, there’s very little motivation to stick to our healthy eating plan. We are flooded with feelings of, “what the heck,” “I can’t lose weight anyway,” “I’ll never get as thin as I want.” This is when we give in to whatever food is tempting us. We want to feel better, we want instant relief and reward, which is the purpose of emotional eating and the very genesis of self-sabotage.
Instead of harnessing those feelings into motivation to keep us eating right, those negative feelings tend to push us directly into eating poorly. By feeding those negative feelings, we make them stronger, encouraging them to reoccur and repeat their power over us until they become a strong, healthy habit. This is the pathology of self-sabotage and it often stays with us for years and years.
Why is eating so complicated?
I work with so many clients who tell me, “I know what to eat; I just can’t do it!” What’s with that? Why is eating so complicated and why do we feel so powerless over our eating at times? Why are we so motivated one day and so unmotivated another day? How can one little thing, emotion, or event derail us?
Does this resonate for you? Do you ever remember wanting to skip a party because you weren’t feeling thin enough? If so, I’d love to hear from you. If you want to take action now, Check out my website for a free email course to begin to end self-sabotage.